for anon :)
for anon :)
So I came home from school a few days ago and found this on one of the cabinets in my house.
See about three years ago my parents decided to go on a big push to get healthy. At the time we were all really overweight, it was a good idea. Our motto became “Eat less. Exercise more.” This was reasonable, because we often had thirds in every meal, and I couldn’t run to my mail box without getting out of breath.
Since that time between the four members of my family we’ve lost a hundred and sixty pounds. I am muscled, curvy, and a weight I love. I exercise four days a week, usually boxing early in the morning before school. Usually in the course of a day I’ll eat two pieces of toast, a sandwich and a fruit, and a small piece of meet with a couple vegetables.
My parents are not impressed. At one time, they always repeated to me “healthy at any weight”, but now it has turned not to being healthy to be healthy, but lose weight lose weight lose weight.
My eleven year old sister and I have started working with each other to sneak food into our rooms that they won’t notice we’ve taken.
The other day, I didn’t wake up at five before school to work out, and my dad yelled at me, making me promise to work out an extra day that week.
My dad picks apart my lunch in the morning. Recently, they started giving me only half a sandwich.
A few days ago, my sister went to get a cheese stick after school, and my mother told her that if she ate it, it would be her entire dinner. My sister ate it, and didn’t get dinner.
My parents told me I need to get a personal trainer so I can “improve faster”.
My family has a history of eating disorders, and everyday my family seems more and more anorexic. I’m scared for both myself and my younger sister. Both of us try to not eat, because we get approval from our parents for being “more healthy”.
I’ve stopped eating lunch, trying to loose weight so that they will be nicer to me.
I don’t think my parents realize that they’re fostering eating disorders, but the other day I tried to make myself puke, because they treat food like poison.
I was wondering if you could reblog this if you think this sounds unhealthy, because I keep trying to talk myself out of thinking that it is.
Your parents should be reported.
Be back soon :)
Time to run to the store and get a few items to make black bean avocado brownies! Haven’t had a treat like this in a long time, and I’m dying to bake something!
Going to use this recipe.
The past few weeks have been so….weird? As I told you guys, I went off the antidepressants. I’m actually doing a lot better than I thought, but have dealt with some withdrawal issues (flu-like) symptoms, a little anger (I’m talking about you, biscuits that wouldn’t cook in the middle!), and some social anxiety. I had a death in my family and it was pretty unnerving to be across the country and unable to go home. I find myself daydreaming and just generally not as focused. On the positive side, I am alot less tired and my husband is benefiting from that! LOL
I can tell a difference in my food impulses. I’ve had a lot of binge moments in the past few weeks and a lot of weird food cravings that I can’t ignore. Yesterday, I HAD TO HAVE buffalo chicken mac n cheese. The restaurant that serves it by my office is closed for a remodel. I went to another location 10 miles away during the lunch rush to get it. That is some serious dedication to food! I think that had I been medicated, the feeling would have passed or I would have gone another time, not felt this compelling urge to EAT IT NOW!
And also, I think about smoking all the time. But I am totally committed to not going back there.
I’ve been pretty easy on myself food wise. I’ve kept up with my workouts, have been getting lots of rest, going to the chiro for my hip and migraines, talking it out with my husband when I have a bad moment. Once again, not advocating going off one’s meds, but I felt this was the right time in my life to try.
Today I have a work lunch and then my focus is back on the food. Weighing, measuring, tracking, carb cycling. When I’m not successful, I tend to think it is the diet and not me. Like, I just need to order up some Medifast of get gastric bypass. Then I realize that all the tools in the world will fail if I continue to not make healthy eating the priority and constantly let it fall to the bottom of the chain.
So, here we are on Feb 7th! Hope you guys have a great Friday.
Despite near crippling social anxiety, I got up and got dressed up to go gamble and eat with my husband’s cousins. And guess what? They liked me! And, I had fun and was up $85 at the blackjack table at one point.
It felt like a huge victory to not stay home :)
Morning sexiness…headed to work out :)
My adorable baby Lauren! She’s pretty much been the center of my world for the past week :)